What is the 90s? What does it represent? What was its zeitgeist? This is the tricky part. See, hipsters in the 90s thought that they'd figured out a way to position themselves as the first generation ever which wouldn't, in retrospect, look as ridiculous as previous generations. They thought they'd secure their place by ironically fixating on 70s retro (thus sparing themselves from having to create too much of their own destined-to-be-dated material) as well as adapting the language of a hyper-conscious, self-aware man-outside-of-his-time, narrated as glibly as possible, as a way of ironically distancing themselves from their own stances.  
Another thing we noticed is that nearly every single 90s trend started in the 80s. And nearly all the hateful trends listed here are still going on today, halfway through the 2000s.  
The 90s generation did everything they could to make sure they didn't look like idiots later on. But we've got some bad news for them: They failed. They already look like incredibly embarrassing fools, not to mention devious cowards, and we've got 90 reasons to prove our point.  
This 90s-Retro issue ain't gonna be fun, like those stupid obscure-70s-pop-references games you 90s dorks adore. No, this is a little different. To quote Bernie Birnbaum, it's gonna be a "painful memory." And we're gonna make sure that the memory stays fresh, raw, and bleedling.
deathburger: The first requirement for being Authentic is that you had to be at least somewhat unattractive- which is why there was always work for Steve Buscemi and his pre-fluoride smile.  
Funny. I'm sure it had nothing to do with his acting abilities though, must have been because he didn't look like Fabio (pre bird).
here's a ten
I thought this article was funny, but judging from the low rating some aren't quite ready to laugh yet.
AaronGNP: As the authors are children of the 80s, it seems more like a tired "My Generation Is Better Than Your Generation Diatribe".  
Heck, pick any decade and you can come up with a list 90 reasons long, on why that decade sucked.  
FWIW though, I did not low vote it... :)  
Psychomike: Don't forget part 2:  
part 2
he he
johnny2000: i'm not the only to start a 90s backlash - it was an incredibly dull period compared to 60s,70s and 80s
FoolProof: It needed more punks and freedom riders.