So your copy of Heavy Metal Parking Lot is so mint you want to “jump its bownes” and the audio on your Senator Bud Dwyer Blows His Head Off video is so clear you can hear “hey Bud, Bud, don’t!” in your nightmares. You have punk Quincy, punk CHiPS, and a straight-from-TV version of the A.B.C After School Special: The Day My Kid Went Punk. You even made sure to own all three TV Carnage tapes in case your collection left out any Gary Coleman shit. You’re done, right?

WRONG MOTHERFUCKER!!! Dude, you might as well put on a dress and swish around the room for us. The videos listed above are basically the Shrek of rare videos and you are Richard Simmons.

Unless you: black out all your windows with tinfoil, have a kitchen that makes girls gag, and have a small room devoted solely to Star Wars figures, you are not a collector of rare videotapes. These people are on a first-name basis with all the editors at NBC and Fox. They know which band members have what tapes on what tour bus (for some reason Royal Trux and Yo La Tengo seem to come up a lot). They correspond with the staff of Mr. Show and Strangers With Candy, as well as every editor in Hollywood. Not only do they pillage everything eBay has to offer but they actively go out and seek new shit that nobody else has. Like the Reading Rainbow episode about a pathetic comedian named Jeff that only does old folks’ homes or the Dolly Parton home movie where she offers her tits as a funny hat for photo ops. What they collect is more similar to outsider video art than a bunch of rare TV shows. Here’s a randomly selected top 10.

clips from each video are available