How much would you bet that Reverend Ted Haggard falls off the wagon in the very near future?
I'm serious. I know he just got a big check to shut up and leave town, but you know what he likes to spend his money on! Tick-tock, gentlemen.
This guy has crusaded against gay people for yearsâ€” including while he was going down on a hooker named Mike. He had President Bush's little pink ear while his community equated homosexuals with murderers and thieves. He told his wife he was going on spiritual writing retreats while he was getting laid in Boys Town, dreaming about twinkie-orgies and scoring meth. His sex worker couldn't take it anymore when the Good Reverend started campaigning against gay marriage for the Colorado state ballot, and came forward to spill the beans.
Don't feel sorry for Mr. Haggard's privacy. Ted has now accepted a large "undisclosed amount" from his church elders in exchange for signing a confidentiality agreement and leaving town, after taking a three-week "cure" that wouldn't get rid of a cough, let alone a lifelong sexual preference for men.
Yes, it's high time to announce: The Ted Haggard Betting Pool.