President of Iran Picks on Paul the Octopus

Journal #27600 posted to dorian's journal on 07-30-10 08:48am. Paul the Octopus may have predicted the World Cup winner. But he never could have seen this coming: Being denounced by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The president of Iran blasted the cephalopod for spreading "western propaganda and superstition."     If anyone should get the blame for spreading the word to the world about the sea creature's mad skills, it should be Paul's PR team from the German Oberhausen Sea Life Center, where Paul resides. Paul simply predicted the winner of the German games correctly.     The octopus did this by pointing to the flag of the winning country when both teams were presented to him. He became the beloved mascot for Spain when one of his arms accurately predicted that country as the winner of the World Cup.         Paul made a splash with football fans and the Web. Still, all the cheers for the soccer-loving sea creature seem to have left the head of Iran cold.     We're not sure what led the Iranian leader to finger the 8-armed mollusk as enemy number one, but the sea animal better not have plans to travel to Iran anytime soon. According to the Telegraph, Ahmadinejad mentioned Paul "on various occasions during a speech in Tehran" over the weekend. He called the soccer soothsayer a symbol of "decadence and decay."     The octopus oracle has yet to comment — or predict the future of the Iranian president. Outlook: Not so good. 0 comments

Lives saved: 0. Deaths delayed: 2-ish.

Journal #27599 posted to reapre's journal on 07-28-10 04:09am. I was at work yesterday when some old lady called to ask if her side effects were due to a particular medicine. She was on something that should maybe crank you up, make you restless and/or energetic. She said she was feeling drowsy all the time but when she tries to take a nap, she only sleeps for a few minutes.     Now before you think I'm an insensitive douche (or perhaps concurrently with your growing sense that I'm an insensitive douche), I must protest that I had already endured all manner of unproductive, circular, and generally ignorant phone conversations all week. In brief, they consisted largely of 1) old ladies who just wanted someone to talk to, and 2) random callers trying to get free medical advice, and then stringing along the conversation in the unlikely hope that I'll reverse my initial advice and tell them not to go to a doctor, and 3) asshats trying to wheedle, coerce, or trick the pharmacist into filling their narcotics waaaay too early, and 4) people who ask to speak only to the pharmacist, but who then proceed to give me simple routine refill requests that even our most incompetent staff members can perform, and so on.     Very few of these things produce revenue, and our corporate overlords do not value non-revenue-generating public services in any of their equations.     So anyway I told her what I knew, which was that I didn't know what it was but I thought it was something she should mention to her doctor. Sometimes the right answer is to admit that there are things you don't know. I've seen enough egotistical nurses bullshitting their way through their professional careers to know better.     Back to the story. From out of the area beyond conversational left field, she goes, "Well what about carbon monoxide?"     And I'm like, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yes? Absolutely. Those are symptoms of carbon monoxide exposure. Yes. And she abruptly thanks me and hangs up.     Naturally I had to make fun of this most recent caller with all my fellow co-workers. Oh what a hilarious time we had taking turns devising witty hypothetical retorts and fashioning anecdotes out of the experience. And it was deemed by all who heard it that her surprise tangent was indeed ridicule worthy.     Then she calls back 3 hours later and asks to speak with me. She claimed that I saved her life. She asked for my name. She said that she called the utility company and they sent out a technician. He clocked her house at 200ppm. (Dangerous levels are like 30-60ppm.) He said she probably wouldn't have lived through the night.     So that was cool and all. Except for the part where I made fun of her, of course.       Oh and also a couple of years ago some lady said I saved her mom's life too. I went way out of my way to tell her that I thought her doctor was possibly making a mistake on a certain drug decision. But he wouldn't change it when I called to advise / ask him about it. So I told her what all to watch out for and she ended up catching it and taking her mom to the hospital. It was trimsulfa with warfarin if anybody's keeping score.     So that was cool and all. 5 comments

Restauranteur

Journal #27598 posted to reapre's journal on 07-27-10 03:10am. I know this topic has been discussed sufficiently in Reservoir Dogs, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I wanted to bounce it off the unrelenting sounding board that is the internets.     I don't think I should be tipping so much at restaurants. My dad always tipped 10% because that's what he grew up thinking was appropriate. After I left high school, I learned that most folks seem to think that 15 is appropriate and 10-20% is the range that you use to reward or punish service.     When I became acquainted with bars, casinos, and casinos with bars, I discovered that you must tip ridiculously at the beginning of an evening so that you may receive repeat service within what would otherwise be a sobering, humiliating length of time spent being ignored.     Then as life progressed I met more people who used to work in restaurants and they convinced me that 15 was the absolute minimum that you, a sane individual, should tip.     So charismatic were they in their proclamations that I added paragraphs three and four together to generally tip crazily at any place that I remotely thought I might attend again soon. And as my professional education matured into a professional salary, I began to frequent a higher caliber of eatery. (Make no mistake, I do little or no maturing on my own. Other life accoutrements do inexorably mature, though. It should be mentioned that my maturing is accompanied by a general kicking and screaming.)     My quandry now is that I am beginning to see little or no differences between the servers at "nice" restaurants compared to the ones at regular ones. And I have begun to notice in hindsight that I am overtipping without discrimination.     What, besides good fortune in employment acquisition, determines why a crappy conceited condescending server at a fancy restaurant makes way way more than a fantastic thoughtful friendly preemptive server at an average joint? Why should I give fifteenish percent of a high tab to an admittedly beautiful but ultimately shitty waitress when I give nothing to the high school dropout at Taco Bell who takes my tray without any expectation of compensation beyond minimum wage (which, as the sociological commentarian Chris Rock shrewdly pointed out, is the absolute minimum they can pay you by law).     Discuss. 4 comments

octopus oracle

Journal #27597 posted to dorian's journal on 07-21-10 08:14pm. 0 comments

┌П┐(•_•)┌П┐

Journal #27596 posted to cornpone's journal on 07-21-10 02:20pm. ┌П┐(•_•)┌П┐         ┌П┐(•_•)┌П┐ 1 comments

Foop Jr, on death:

Journal #27595 posted to FoolProof's journal on 07-21-10 02:29am. "People that die are SUPPOSED to sound like pansies." 0 comments

Overheard

Journal #27594 posted to beaglebot's journal on 07-20-10 03:41pm. "Beagle-san, I can read your Japanese with no problem, but I have no idea if this is a sentance or a squiggle with a question mark in English." 0 comments

seems like another hot summer day

Journal #27593 posted to dorian's journal on 07-20-10 10:09am. 0 comments

vid of the day

Journal #27592 posted to dorian's journal on 07-19-10 09:07pm. Marianne Faithfull - "Working Class Hero" (live)             1 comments

Greg Egan - Diaspora

Journal #27591 posted to AB's journal on 07-14-10 01:17am.     This is one of my new favorite books. It's really captivating, really convincing, hard science fiction. It deals with genetics, neuroscience, biochemistry, AI, mathematics, particle & quantum physics, a bit of philosophy, and a lot more that I wish I understood (...it's one of those books that you have to go back and read a few times to catch it all).     Nuff said?     The first chapter, Orphanogenesis, is online and free. 0 comments

! the internet sheriffs are here and they mean no fun

Journal #27590 posted to dorian's journal on 07-12-10 11:58am. 0 comments

Otters 11

Journal #27589 posted to AB's journal on 07-12-10 12:22am. "Hm. to put it simply, otter people go around the world spouting sophistries and trying to fix the world."     --     "In other words, there's only a paper thin difference between romanticists and humanists"     "Th, that makes no sense. Besides, how can you be a humanist? You're an otter."     "Yes, I'm an otter.   So while I can forgive you as a person, I can't forgive you as an otter!"     (links go to manga pages) 0 comments

Priest 'stole $1.3m from church to pay for male escorts'

Journal #27588 posted to dorian's journal on 07-10-10 04:14pm. A Roman Catholic priest was charged yesterday with stealing $1.3m (£850,000) in church money over seven years to use for male escorts, expensive clothing and luxury hotels and restaurants.     The Rev Kevin J Gray, who was formerly pastor at Sacred Heart/Sagrado Corazon Parish in Waterbury, Connecticut, was arrested and charged with first-degree larceny, Waterbury police said. He was expected to be arraigned yesterday at Waterbury Superior Court.     Mr Gray, 64, allegedly used the money to stay at such hotels as the Waldorf-Astoria in New York and pay for expensive clothing including Armani suits, said Captain Christopher Corbett. He also paid the college tuition and rent of two men he had met, he added.     "We are deeply saddened by the events which have recently had such a profound affect on Sacred Heart/Sagrado Corazon parish," the Archdiocese of Hartford said in a statement. "At the financial level, the archdiocese continues to work with the parish to improve its financial controls and to address issues arising from the situation such as insurance coverage and outstanding indebtedness.     "At the spiritual level, we continue to pray for healing and consolation for the parish family as it moves forward and for guidance and reconciliation for Father Gray as he encounters the legal proceedings that await him."     The archdiocese last month asked police to investigate after it discovered during a financial review that Mr Gray may have taken more than a million dollars for personal use. The money involved a combination of parish savings and money that should have been used to pay certain debts, such as insurance premiums, church officials have said.     Mr Gray was Sacred Heart's pastor from January 2003 until 15 April this year, when he was granted a medical leave. He was later suspended. 0 comments

Monkeys use trees to catapault themselves out of Japanese laboratory

Journal #27587 posted to dorian's journal on 07-10-10 04:09pm. A group of 15 monkeys at Kyoto University's primate research institute in Aichi Prefecture, which are the focus of a string of high-profile scientific studies, escaped from their forest home which is encased by a 17ft high electric fence.     The monkeys made their bid for freedom by using tree branches to fling themselves one by one over the high voltage electric fence located nearly three metres away.     However, despite the intelligence shown in their great escape, the primates appeared unsure as to what to do with their newfound freedom: the monkeys remained by the gates of the research centre and were lured back into captivity by scientists armed with peanuts.     "It was an incredible escape and the first time something like this has ever happened," Hirohisa Hirai, the deputy head of the Primate Research Institute told the Daily Telegraph.     "We think that maybe there was some kind of dispute among the monkeys in the forest and so this group decided to leave.     "Fortunately, they stayed by the fence after escaping as they probably wanted to stay near to the other monkeys so we managed to recapture them all.     "But we were extremely surprised by the intelligence and the power they used in order to escape."     Scientists have since cut the trees in order to prevent a repeat escape, Mr Hirai added.     The Kyoto institution is one of the world's leading primate research centres, with a series of internationally recognised studies exploring the social interaction, behaviour, biology and evolution of primates.     Around 80 Japanese monkeys currently live in the enclosed forest space within the confines of the institute from which the group of primates managed to escape.     0 comments

it's in the mix ...

Journal #27586 posted to dorian's journal on 07-09-10 04:09pm. A mixtape is more valuable gift than a spotify playlist because of that embedded value, because everyone knows how much work they are, of the care you have to take, because there is only one. If it gets lost it's lost. Sharing physical goods is psychically harder than sharing information because goods are more valuable. And, therefore, presumably, the satisfactions of sharing them are greater. I bet there's some sort of neurological/evolutionary trick in there, physical things will always feel more valuable to us because that's what we're used to, that's what engages our senses. Even though ebooks are massively more convenient, usable and useful than paper ones, that lack of embodiedness nags away at us - telling us that this thing's not real, not proper, not of value. (And maybe we don't have the same effect with music because we're less used to having music engage so many of our senses. It's pretty unemboddied anyway.) 0 comments

Home.

Journal #27585 posted to humandoing's journal on 07-08-10 10:26pm. I don't know if anyone has used Google Earth to show their home whereabouts. this is mine anyway.         Uploaded with ImageShack.us 0 comments

(>^_^)>

Journal #27584 posted to AB's journal on 07-08-10 11:48am.             2 comments

Blackcurrant Jam Recipe

Journal #27583 posted to dorian's journal on 07-06-10 09:17pm. For this recipe the ingredients you will need are:     * 2 pounds of the best blackcurrants   * A large saucepan   * 3 pounds of granulated sugar   * 1 tablespoon of good, sweet brandy   * A bowl (with plastic wrap to seal it)   * A fork or another tool to crush the currants     Put the black currants in a bowl and crush them using your favourite tool; then, add all the granulated sugar, seal the bowl (e.g. with plastic wrap) and let it rest overnight.     Pour the contents of the bowl into a large saucepan, and slowly bring to the boil; boil for 3 minutes only, then add 1 tablespoon of brandy and let it rest for another half an hour. After this, pot and cover.     0 comments

Jokes

Journal #27582 posted to humandoing's journal on 07-06-10 02:38pm. A guitarist went to the doctor with hearing problems.     "Can you describe the symptoms?" the doctor asked.     The guitarist replied," Sure. That's easy. Homer is a fat yellow bloke and Marge has blue hair."     I overheard a bloke in the pub the other day boasting that he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin.     His friend asked how he could tell them apart and the bloke said,     ”Her brother has a beard!"     About two months ago a couple of lesbians moved in next door.     We got on very well and when they found out it was my birthday last week they gave me a Rolex.     It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I’d told them I really wanna watch.       Got a leaflet through the door this morning promising 'Great Sex at 55', which is really handy because I live at no. 51, so not too far to walk home afterwards       Walking into the pub, Seamus said to Brendan the bartender,     "Pour me a double whiskey, woodja. I just had another bloody fight with the owld woman."     "Oh yeah?" said Brendan, "How did this one end? You look unmarked."     "Well, when it was over," Seamus replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees, so she did."     "Really?" said Brendan, "Now that is a switch! What did she say?"     She said, "Come out from under the bed, y'feckin' chicken!"       I had an uncle who was a useless ventriloquist - he used to stick his fingers up my bottom and tell me not to say anything........       A Polar Bear walks into a pub and says...     "Can I have a Gin.............................................................................and tonic"     the barman says "What the big pause ?"     The polar bear says "I was born with them"       I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realised I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.       A Cow, an Ant and an Asshole...       A Cow, an Ant and an Asshole are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.     Cow: I give 50 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!     Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!                                                                             Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something...   1 comments

Bacon tree

Journal #27581 posted to humandoing's journal on 07-05-10 09:39pm. Bacon Tree     Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........     "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Eeze bacon, I theenk."     "Ci, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "     With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.     There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.     "Pepe, Pepe, we eeze saved. Eeze a bacon tree."     "Luis, maybe eeze a meerarge? We eeze in the desert don't forget."     "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerarge that smell like bacon...eeze no meerarge, eeze a bacon tree."     And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,     "Pepe... go back man, you was right, eeze not a bacon tree!"     "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what eeze it? "     "Pepe.. eeze not a bacon tree. Eeze       Eeze       Eeze       Eeze         Eeze a ham bush...."   3 comments

Still in a Band.

Journal #27580 posted to humandoing's journal on 07-05-10 05:01pm. Well i'm still in a band cept i swapped instruments. our keyboard player died of cancer and as bass players are easier to find than K/board players i moved over.   Cant say i am enjoying it at the moment as i have to learn the whole set again and new songs. that's showbiz folks.         6 comments

For Sale

Journal #27579 posted to beaglebot's journal on 07-02-10 01:10pm. Shadowfilter.net/com expire tomorrow. 7/5. If you'd like them they're yours for the renewal fee. 0 comments

Which Historical Lunatic Are You?

Journal #27578 posted to dorian's journal on 06-29-10 02:33pm. Testing 1 ... 2 ...     You are Joshua Abraham Norton, first and only Emperor of the United States of America!     Born in England sometime in the second decade of the nineteenth century, you carved a notable business career, in South Africa and later San Francisco, until an entry into the rice market wiped out your fortune in 1854. After this, you became quite different. The first sign of this came on September 17, 1859, when you expressed your dissatisfaction with the political situation in America by declaring yourself Norton I, Emperor of the USA. You remained as such, unchallenged, for twenty-one years.     Within a month you had decreed the dissolution of Congress. When this was largely ignored, you summoned all interested parties to discuss the matter in a music hall, and then summoned the army to quell the rebellious leaders in Washington. This did not work. Magnanimously, you decreed (eventually) that Congress could remain for the time being. However, you disbanded both major political parties in 1869, as well as instituting a fine of $25 for using the abominable nickname "Frisco" for your home city.     Your days consisted of parading around your domain - the San Francisco streets - in a uniform of royal blue with gold epaulettes. This was set off by a beaver hat and umbrella. You dispensed philosophy and inspected the state of sidewalks and the police with equal aplomb. You were a great ally of the maligned Chinese of the city, and once dispersed a riot by standing between the Chinese and their would-be assailants and reciting the Lord's Prayer quietly, head bowed.     Once arrested, you were swiftly pardoned by the Police Chief with all apologies, after which all policemen were ordered to salute you on the street. Your renown grew. Proprietors of respectable establishments fixed brass plaques to their walls proclaiming your patronage; musical and theatrical performances invariably reserved seats for you and your two dogs. (As an aside, you were a good friend of Mark Twain, who wrote an epitaph for one of your faithful hounds, Bummer.) The Census of 1870 listed your occupation as "Emperor".     The Board of Supervisors of San Francisco, upon noticing the slightly delapidated state of your attire, replaced it at their own expense. You responded graciously by granting a patent of nobility to each member. Your death, collapsing on the street on January 8, 1880, made front page news under the headline "Le Roi est Mort". Aside from what you had on your person, your possessions amounted to a single sovereign, a collection of walking sticks, an old sabre, your correspondence with Queen Victoria and 1,098,235 shares of stock in a worthless gold mine. Your funeral cortege was of 30,000 people and over two miles long.     The burial was marked by a total eclipse of the sun. 0 comments

women ...

Journal #27577 posted to johnny2000's journal on 06-29-10 02:03pm. “From birth to age 18 a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35 she needs good looks. From 35 to 55 she needs a good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash. - Sophie Tucker” 0 comments

International Space Station sex ban

Journal #27576 posted to dorian's journal on 06-29-10 12:51pm. "We are a group of professionals," said Alan Poindexter, a NASA commander, during a visit to Tokyo, when asked about the consequences if astronauts boldly went where no others have been.     "We treat each other with respect and we have a great working relationship. Personal relationships are not ... an issue," said a serious-faced Mr Poindexter. "We don't have them and we won't."     Mr Poindexter and his six crew members, including the first Japanese mother in space Naoko Yamazaki, were in Tokyo to talk about their two-week resupply mission to the International Space Station.     The April voyage broke new ground by putting four women in orbit for the first time, with three female crew joining one woman already on the station.     Sexual intercourse in space may appear out of bounds, but astronauts have been known to succumb to earthly passions.     In 2007 former NASA astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak allegedly wore adult diapers when driving hundreds of miles across the United States without bathroom breaks to confront a suspected rival in a romance with a fellow astronaut.     0 comments

Stoopid otter

Journal #27575 posted to SpearmintFur's journal on 06-28-10 10:44pm. 0 comments

Actual 419 spam

Journal #27574 posted to crataegus's journal on 06-27-10 03:44am. Hello,     My name is Darrel, I came across your email address through am email surfing   Affiliated with the US chamber of Commerce, and My late Grandma was a puppy   breeder, She died about 4 months ago and she left 2 Female English Bulldog,   before she die, one of the Female puppy recently had a litter 4 puppies, They   are so adorable, Due to my job as a Marketer, My job do not allow me to take   good care of these babies, I would have love to take care of them myself but due   to the nature of my job i hardly have time for my self, So i want to find them   caring & loving parent who will take good care of them and willing to adopt,if   you interested in having them, please contact me immediately for more details   and information.     Hope to read from you soon.     Thanks.   Darrel Jensen   2 comments

Alan Turing

Journal #27573 posted to AB's journal on 06-26-10 01:58am. You know, as an undergraduate Computer Science major, I hear and read a lot about Alan Turing - WWII cryptanalysis, the Turing test, the Turing machine, etc... I don't think I've taken a class that hasn't mentioned him at least once.     But one thing I've never heard about, until tonight, was how he came out of the closet in 1952. Two years later, he died of cyanide poisoning. You can imagine some of the speculation- that he killed himself because of all the persecution.     I understand why that wouldn't really fit into a normal CS course's curriculum. Still, what a shock to learn that such an important figure had such a weird ending. 0 comments

funky cat nap

Journal #27572 posted to johnny2000's journal on 06-25-10 02:01pm. 0 comments

World Cup to date. Go USA!

Journal #27571 posted to LowFlyingMule's journal on 06-23-10 05:01pm. Group Stage   June 11, 2010     1 South Africa 1 - 1 Mexico   2 Uruguay 0 - 0 France     Group Stage   June 12, 2010     4 South Korea 2 - 0 Greece   3 Argentina 1 - 0 Nigeria   5 England 1 - 1 United States     Group Stage   June 13, 2010     6 Algeria 0 - 1 Slovenia   8 Serbia 0 - 1 Ghana   7 Germany 4 - 0 Australia     Group Stage   June 14, 2010     9 Netherlands 2 - 0 Denmark   10 Japan 1 - 0 Cameroon   11 Italy 1 - 1 Paraguay     Group Stage   June 15, 2010     12 New Zealand 1 - 1 Slovakia   13 Ivory Coast 0 - 0 Portugal   14 Brazil 2 - 1 North Korea     Group Stage   June 16, 2010     15 Honduras 0 - 1 Chile   16 Spain 0 - 1 Switzerland   17 South Africa 0 - 3 Uruguay     Group Stage   June 17, 2010     20 Argentina 4 - 1 South Korea   19 Greece 2 - 1 Nigeria   18 France 0 - 2 Mexico     Group Stage   June 18, 2010     21 Germany 0 - 1 Serbia   22 Slovenia 2 - 2 United States   23 England 0 - 0 Algeria     Group Stage   June 19, 2010     25 Netherlands 1 - 0 Japan   24 Ghana 1 - 1 Australia   26 Cameroon 1 - 2 Denmark     Group Stage   June 20, 2010     27 Slovakia 0 - 2 Paraguay   28 Italy 1 - 1 New Zealand   29 Brazil 3 - 1 Ivory Coast     Group Stage   June 21, 2010     30 Portugal 7 - 0 North Korea   31 Chile 1 - 0 Switzerland   32 Spain 2 - 0 Honduras     Group Stage   June 22, 2010     33 Mexico 0 - 1 Uruguay   34 France 1 - 2 South Africa   35 Nigeria 2 - 2 South Korea   36 Greece 0 - 2 Argentina     Group Stage   June 23, 2010     37 Slovenia 0 - 1 England   38 United States 1 - 0 Algeria   39 Ghana 0 - 1 Germany   40 Australia 2 - 1 Serbia 5 comments

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