"All Stools Must Go!"
Posted by Schauspieler 11 years ago
PAgent> If I opened a roadside fruit market in Kabul, I would call it "The Afghanistan Banana Stand"  
 
shigpit> If you opened a restaurant in South Korea, I guess you'd call it "Seoul Food."  
 
FuzzyDave> the afghan granny bananny prammy  
 
shigpit> I want to open a furniture store named "Sofa King"  
 
FuzzyDave> Our Prices are Sofa King Craaaaazy!  
 
shigpit> Sofa King ... awesome!™  
 
shigpit> Or, Dave, how about "The Ottoman Empire"  
 
Schauspieler> I still want a resturant locally called Pho King  
 
 
shigpit> Knock off suits: Faux King?  
shigpit> s/suits/furs  
 
FuzzyDave> The Ottoman Empire. You won't find a more solid stool  
 
 
Schauspieler> Come on down to The Ottoman Empire for our Overstocked Sale! We got stools coming out of our.....oh, wait....ummmm  
 
FuzzyDave> you beat me to it. i was gonna say, Our prices are so low, you'd think we pulled em out of ...  
 
LinusMines> "Our stools are so soft, you'll take two!"  
 
FuzzyDave> free peanuts with every purchase  
 
Schauspieler> be sure to check out our Corny Stools!  
 
Schauspieler> "We flush the competion!"  
 
Schauspieler> "All stools must go!"  
 
Schauspieler> Need your stool shipped, ask about our free packing service  
 
FuzzyDave> why are our stools so solid? One word. Fiber. we use the finest fibers in the world  
 
FuzzyDave> Plus, all our ottomans have a non-stick surface. you'll never have to worry about an impacted stool whenever moving your furniture around  
 
Schauspieler> Try our suede line, you'll never feel a smoother stool  
 
FuzzyDave> we'd also like to take a moment to remember our founder: Scatman Cruthers. If it weren't for Scat, we'd have no stools.  
 
 
Schauspieler> Stinky stools? ask about our "like roses" stool freshener  
 
FuzzyDave> We have ottomans in every color. Except brown.  
 
FuzzyDave> someone better journal this  
FuzzyDave> whre the hell is champthom when we need him?  
Schauspieler> Why he's down at his local Ottoman Empire, examing our stools!  
 
LinusMines> Take our stools along on your next vacation...they float!  
LinusMines> Drop one off at the pool today!  
FuzzyDave> damn! beat me to it  
 
FuzzyDave> and bakers...next time you pinch a loaf, do it from the comfort of an Ottoman Empire stool.  
 
 
Schauspieler> Now avalible, NFL stools! Take em to the super bowl!  
 
LinusMines> For you cowboys, our stools are also available with a handy lasoo attachment...hang a rope on it!  
 
 
Schauspieler> Cooks who brew stews love our stools  
 
FuzzyDave> come down and check out our lastest model, The Euphemism! It's shaped like a Baby Ruth bar. I don't know what that means, but our marketing guy Lovvvvvves it  
.  
LinusMines> heh...make gravy with our stools!  
 
Schauspieler> Moving? Our stools come out easy!  
 
FuzzyDave> Made a mess? Clean your ottoman with one of our Cleveland Steamers  
 
beaglebot> I don't even want to know what you people are talki9ng about  
 
LinusMines> No heavy lifting required! Just grip and pull!  
 
FuzzyDave> this is probably one of the longest running gag threads we've had in chat for about a yaer  
 
Schauspieler> We use only the softest stuffing, so our stools are never lumpy  
 
FuzzyDave> Free chili dogs for the kids. Just ask Gus for one of his Famous Rusty Trombones!  
 
LinusMines> Free cheese log with every purchase!  
 
Schauspieler> Our stools are sturdy! Go on! Step on em!  
 
Schauspieler> Pooped? have a seat on one of our stools  
Schauspieler> and take a load off  
 
LinusMines> We guarantee to make our stools in less than five minutes!  
LinusMines> Or it's on us!  
 
FuzzyDave> my bladder can't take much more of this  
 
FuzzyDave> we've had to soundproof the workshop because of the loud grunting  
 
LinusMines> "Making stools is hard work", sez chief builder Ben Dover.  
 
Schauspieler> Just plop down one of our stools anywhere to brighten up a room  
 
FuzzyDave> the toughest part of the job is getting em through the door. sometimes it's a pretty tight squeeze. sometimes, one'll wedge itself so tight, we gotta dig it out.  
 
 
FuzzyDave> when that happens, you wouldn't believe the amount paperwork required  
 
LinusMines> This weekend only...free cigars!  
 
Schauspieler> Buy our stools by the pile!!!  
 
shigpit> Don't be a stool pigeon, visit the Ottoman Empire.  
.  
 
Schauspieler> We've renovated to clean up this dump!  
 
LinusMines> Pooped? You've come to the right place!  
 
FuzzyDave> this mini ottoman is perfectly sized for a shitzhu  
 
shigpit> Our Porcelain Thrones are our best sellers.  
 
FuzzyDave> this one's shaped like a shitakke mushroom!  
 
Schauspieler> Our Assortment is Astronomical  
 
LinusMines> Try our NRA model...perfect for squeezing off rounds!  
 
shigpit> Get our Ottomans with power wheels and show 'em your skid marks!  
 
LinusMines> Need help with delivery? Our Fleet is available!  
 
shigpit> haha Linus ... delivery by White Cloud service or Dump Truck on your sidewalk.  
 
LinusMines> What can Brown do for you?™  
FuzzyDave> i just snarfl'd my tea  
 
pdxpogo> Scatagoricaly delicious  
* * * LinusMines can't scatagorically deny involvement  
 
Schauspieler> Our E-Z Glide coasters make your stool movements smoother  
 
FuzzyDave> Our prices are so low, our inventory is flying out the door. We're spraying stools all over the tri-county area, thanks to you!  
 
shigpit> We think you'll just LOVE what's behind door Number 2!  
 
LinusMines> Thanks, Schazzy...many pants were nearly soiled in the making on that journal entry.  
Schauspieler> Well, our stools are comfortable enuff to keep in your pants
¥
badbunny: roflmao
AB: This has slightly woken me up... maybe just enough to finish my homework.
omg
darkstar: hilarious!
aspirations
lorddimwit: I'd like to run a Cuban fruit export business. Of course, owing to the remote location, I could only offer next-day delivery. I think I'd also hire a woman named Ivanna to handle the phone. People would call her up and say "Ivanna, I wanna Havana banana mañana."
.
pneum0nic: oops, kinda peed myself a little there...
shigpit: C'mon, that's not news.
Bravo
LowFlyingMule: chatter! Bravo.  
 
Makes me want to push your stools in..  
under my new bar.