Watchmen
Posted by pdxpogo 9 years ago
OK I admit not a fanboy of graphic novels they were comic books when I grew up. I collected DC and Marvel's 15 cent pictographs like crazy. I loved Dr. Strange and Thor. I liked the Flash and Batman. Nick Fury was a hero of mine and I dreamed about the X-Men. I remember Supercar and Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. Science Fiction is my genre. So I am behind the times on graphic novels (sounds like an euphamism to me). From what I can gather from the current buzz The Watchmen is the quintessential graphic novel not counting the Illustrated Classics that I grew up with. I missed it, too busy snorting coke and getting laid I guess, a different generation. So there are my bona fides I don't have any pre-conceived notions of what it should be.  
 
I followed the hype witnessed the out pouring of angst concerning the studio battle of making the story vs owning it. All very entertaining and titillating.  
 
Comes the movie. First off I'm a destitute plebe and can't scrape up the dough for a ticket so I gotta get a cam from the Torrents. First torrent I download is wizard sound is good picture is surprisingly good Bob Dylan is singing I tune I like and then the fsking audio is poorly dubbed Spanish. WTF things happen. Spent three hours dl'ing this movie only to find my elementary command of Spanish was enough to tell me this movie sucks or at least it doesn't translate well. Back to the torrents and an English language one shows up so dl that one. After 5 hours I am ready to watch, a very poor cam you could count the pixels... buy a ticket trust me don't dl the crap I did. Sound is OK and when you are desperate you will watch anything.  
 
The opening montage establishing an alternate universe is OK, like I am grooving on the tune. The beat down of the Comic that preceeded it was OK, I'm a guy like teh fight scenes, the fact that the watchmen were mostly human with no special powers meant I didn't expect someone to lift a 100 kilo body and throw em through a plate glass window. no that is OK it is a movie. Just a little unbelievable for "normal" human beings. Yes you can be lucky and yes you can be prepared, but the laws of physics do apply. When the point of the movie is to stress the ordinary nature of masked crimefighters well you need to make them ordinary. The Comic took more punishment with a smile than Jack Bauer, one tough son of a bitch, his bravado was cinematic what can you say.  
 
Well you can say it with a smiley face and a drop of blood. And they did.  
 
The story develops through flashbacks and narration provided by Rorschach a paranoid sociopath (likeable I'm guessing). Someone is killing masked avengers while the world goes to hell in a hand basket (Nixon has been elected 5 times).  
 
Meanwhile a true superhero in the form of Billy Crudup cgi'd beyond recognition runs around blue and makes perfect sense. Dr. Manhattan is the only adult in the film, and he isn't human. Nightowl is a nerdy horndog played pretty well by some actor (Patrick Wilson not trying to slight him) and the object of his desire Malin Åkerman (Silk Spectre II) has a very desireable ass indeed it is showcased in the softporn scenes laced throughout the movie.  
 
Sex does run rampant in this movie, we know that it and violence sells, we have rape and seduction plus a hint of dp when the blueman group gets involved with Ms Silk II, when three blue hands were on the screen you knew something was going on.  
 
Well they left room for a sequel and I have no doubt this will generate enough buzz for another swing. Rorschach is pretty damned interesting I want more of him. I can see a lot more of Malin Åkerman. Dr Manhattan is a demi-god he works too, they killed off the Comic too bad.  
 
Like I said buy a ticket the torrent sucks, the movie didn't rock me like The Matrix but it is entertainment. If you are a Watchmen fan enjoy...
SEQUEL? SEQUEL?!?!?
FoolProof: *HULKSMASH!!!*  
 
There can be no sequel. This is a stand-alone work. The book was written over twenty years ago and it is DONE. If anyone in Hollywood even thinks about saying 'sequel' and 'Watchmen' in the same sentence, I'm getting on a fzcking plane.  
 
As for Ozymandias' superhuman beatdown of The Comedian, I think it can be explained: Oz is the smartest man on Earth. He's got good genes, and is a master at pretty much whatever he puts his mind to. That includes fighting and, likely, physical conditioning. It doesn't take a superman to throw someone through a window. It only takes a man with a lot of strength and skill.  
 
The sex scenes did go soft-core pr0n route. Don't take the kids.
Hugh2d2: "The sex scenes did go soft-core pr0n route. Don't take the kids."  
 
Really? THAT's why you don't want the kids to see it? Not the guy getting his arms hacked off slowly with an angle grinder? Not the axe to the head? Not for the VC getting exploded in graphic, intestine filled detail? But the awkward super-boink?!?!  
 
I loved the movie, btw.
FoolProof: Well, that too.  
 
Er... I mean... STFU. This is 'mericuh, buddy!
Hugh2d2: lol.  
 
'Mericuh... where blood, guts and violence is no problem, but a booby?!?! Well, that ain't gonna fly!
FoolProof: Ah like the 'casional flyin' boobie, too.
FoolProof: Ah like the 'casional flyin' boobie, too.
pneum0nic: "...I'm getting on a fzcking plane."  
 
Doesn't that sound a tad familiar?
FoolProof: I have HAD IT with these MOTHERFZCKIN' sequels on this MOTHERFZCKIN' PLANE!
pdxpogo: Well there was the touching scene in the end where Ms. Jupiter asks Night Owl if he got everything fixed and Night Owl says systems are upgraded and working. She says we will have to take it up again... Sounds like a date knowing grin. That to me was room for a sequel, may be a bad idea may make money. I don't know how these things work. If there is a promise of $200 million dollars out there to be picked out of the movie gowers pockets I imagine it will be done.
XIV: Again, there will never be a sequel. That is 100% certain for multiple reasons, chief of them Alan Moore would flay WB open and let their blood spill onto the streets. And no fan would stand for it. AND as previously mentioned, the story is closed, on purpose.
FoolProof: And this movie will not be the commercial success that they hoped for.
XIV: I think we should all be thankful it got made in the first place after 20 goddamn years of people saying it's unfilmable and about 3 false starts, let alone getting a $150M budget and marketing of a 3-hour movie with no name actors.
FoolProof: Werd.