I has a penguin shirt! :)

Think you can be in Cincinnati on Labor Day?

Thank you Secret Prawn! :) You Are AWESOME!

 
 

A virgin girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night  
 
and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a  
 
big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that  
 
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love  
 
for the first time.  
 
* * * * * * * * *  
 
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex  
 
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get  
 
some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and  
 
the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.  
 
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and  
 
sex.  
 
* * * * * * * * *  
 
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many  
 
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family  
 
pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he  
 
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.  
 
* * * * * * * * *  
 
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents  
 
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm  
 
so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"  
 
* * * * * * * * *  
 
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table  
 
where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly  
 
offers to say grace and bows his head.  
 
* * * * * * * * *  
 
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,  
 
with his head down.  
 
* * * * * * * * *  
 
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.  
 
* * * * * * * * *  
 
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the  
 
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the  
 
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."  
 
* * * * * * * *  
 
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your  
 
father was a pharmacist."  
 
* * * * * * * * *

Well, my boss informed me today, that starting Sunday night, I'll be on 3rd shift. So, now Crat and I will both be (Chill me, Thrill me, Fulfill me.....) Creatures of the Night.  
 
On one hand, it'll be better for the getting to and from work arrangement, I won't have to be getting up at 6 am anymore, and I'll have less people around to bother me, and it gives me more freedom to get away from the desk when I please.  
 
On the other hand, it's alittle more boring, I'll pretty much be by myself (except for a few people going in and out) and it'll put me back on that sleep all day, up all night thing again, that I've just about have gotten over from previous jobs.  
 
But, I've always been more of a night person anyways, I'm not a morning person at all. So, this may just be better for me. We'll see...  
 

Dingoes For Destruction

PAgent> If I opened a roadside fruit market in Kabul, I would call it "The Afghanistan Banana Stand"  
 
shigpit> If you opened a restaurant in South Korea, I guess you'd call it "Seoul Food."  
 
FuzzyDave> the afghan granny bananny prammy  
 
shigpit> I want to open a furniture store named "Sofa King"  
 
FuzzyDave> Our Prices are Sofa King Craaaaazy!  
 
shigpit> Sofa King ... awesome!™  
 
shigpit> Or, Dave, how about "The Ottoman Empire"  
 
Schauspieler> I still want a resturant locally called Pho King  
 
 
shigpit> Knock off suits: Faux King?  
shigpit> s/suits/furs  
 
FuzzyDave> The Ottoman Empire. You won't find a more solid stool  
 
 
Schauspieler> Come on down to The Ottoman Empire for our Overstocked Sale! We got stools coming out of our.....oh, wait....ummmm  
 
FuzzyDave> you beat me to it. i was gonna say, Our prices are so low, you'd think we pulled em out of ...  
 
LinusMines> "Our stools are so soft, you'll take two!"  
 
FuzzyDave> free peanuts with every purchase  
 
Schauspieler> be sure to check out our Corny Stools!  
 
Schauspieler> "We flush the competion!"  
 
Schauspieler> "All stools must go!"  
 
Schauspieler> Need your stool shipped, ask about our free packing service  
 
FuzzyDave> why are our stools so solid? One word. Fiber. we use the finest fibers in the world  
 
FuzzyDave> Plus, all our ottomans have a non-stick surface. you'll never have to worry about an impacted stool whenever moving your furniture around  
 
Schauspieler> Try our suede line, you'll never feel a smoother stool  
 
FuzzyDave> we'd also like to take a moment to remember our founder: Scatman Cruthers. If it weren't for Scat, we'd have no stools.  
 
 
Schauspieler> Stinky stools? ask about our "like roses" stool freshener  
 
FuzzyDave> We have ottomans in every color. Except brown.  
 
FuzzyDave> someone better journal this  
FuzzyDave> whre the hell is champthom when we need him?  
Schauspieler> Why he's down at his local Ottoman Empire, examing our stools!  
 
LinusMines> Take our stools along on your next vacation...they float!  
LinusMines> Drop one off at the pool today!  
FuzzyDave> damn! beat me to it  
 
FuzzyDave> and bakers...next time you pinch a loaf, do it from the comfort of an Ottoman Empire stool.  
 
 
Schauspieler> Now avalible, NFL stools! Take em to the super bowl!  
 
LinusMines> For you cowboys, our stools are also available with a handy lasoo attachment...hang a rope on it!  
 
 
Schauspieler> Cooks who brew stews love our stools  
 
FuzzyDave> come down and check out our lastest model, The Euphemism! It's shaped like a Baby Ruth bar. I don't know what that means, but our marketing guy Lovvvvvves it  
.  
LinusMines> heh...make gravy with our stools!  
 
Schauspieler> Moving? Our stools come out easy!  
 
FuzzyDave> Made a mess? Clean your ottoman with one of our Cleveland Steamers  
 
beaglebot> I don't even want to know what you people are talki9ng about  
 
LinusMines> No heavy lifting required! Just grip and pull!  
 
FuzzyDave> this is probably one of the longest running gag threads we've had in chat for about a yaer  
 
Schauspieler> We use only the softest stuffing, so our stools are never lumpy  
 
FuzzyDave> Free chili dogs for the kids. Just ask Gus for one of his Famous Rusty Trombones!  
 
LinusMines> Free cheese log with every purchase!  
 
Schauspieler> Our stools are sturdy! Go on! Step on em!  
 
Schauspieler> Pooped? have a seat on one of our stools  
Schauspieler> and take a load off  
 
LinusMines> We guarantee to make our stools in less than five minutes!  
LinusMines> Or it's on us!  
 
FuzzyDave> my bladder can't take much more of this  
 
FuzzyDave> we've had to soundproof the workshop because of the loud grunting  
 
LinusMines> "Making stools is hard work", sez chief builder Ben Dover.  
 
Schauspieler> Just plop down one of our stools anywhere to brighten up a room  
 
FuzzyDave> the toughest part of the job is getting em through the door. sometimes it's a pretty tight squeeze. sometimes, one'll wedge itself so tight, we gotta dig it out.  
 
 
FuzzyDave> when that happens, you wouldn't believe the amount paperwork required  
 
LinusMines> This weekend only...free cigars!  
 
Schauspieler> Buy our stools by the pile!!!  
 
shigpit> Don't be a stool pigeon, visit the Ottoman Empire.  
.  
 
Schauspieler> We've renovated to clean up this dump!  
 
LinusMines> Pooped? You've come to the right place!  
 
FuzzyDave> this mini ottoman is perfectly sized for a shitzhu  
 
shigpit> Our Porcelain Thrones are our best sellers.  
 
FuzzyDave> this one's shaped like a shitakke mushroom!  
 
Schauspieler> Our Assortment is Astronomical  
 
LinusMines> Try our NRA model...perfect for squeezing off rounds!  
 
shigpit> Get our Ottomans with power wheels and show 'em your skid marks!  
 
LinusMines> Need help with delivery? Our Fleet is available!  
 
shigpit> haha Linus ... delivery by White Cloud service or Dump Truck on your sidewalk.  
 
LinusMines> What can Brown do for you?™  
FuzzyDave> i just snarfl'd my tea  
 
pdxpogo> Scatagoricaly delicious  
* * * LinusMines can't scatagorically deny involvement  
 
Schauspieler> Our E-Z Glide coasters make your stool movements smoother  
 
FuzzyDave> Our prices are so low, our inventory is flying out the door. We're spraying stools all over the tri-county area, thanks to you!  
 
shigpit> We think you'll just LOVE what's behind door Number 2!  
 
LinusMines> Thanks, Schazzy...many pants were nearly soiled in the making on that journal entry.  
Schauspieler> Well, our stools are comfortable enuff to keep in your pants

Schauspieler> hahahaha!  
FuzzyDave> i always know when i strike comedy gold. shaussi laffs.  
shigpit> ahha  
Schauspieler> ha!  
 
* * * Schauspieler laughs at anything  
 
shigpit> Schazzy Likes It!™  
FuzzyDave> It's ShazzTastic! ™  
shigpit> SchazzPealing®  
Schauspieler> Shazzalicous  
FuzzyDave> which is better than SchazPeeling, which requires an unguent  
shigpit> who asked YOU?  
Schauspieler> LOL  
 
FuzzyDave> all that PiSchaz!  
PAgent> unguent is a wonderful word  
PAgent> only slightly less wonderful than ruminant  
PAgent> but better than undulate  
shigpit> The Undulating Unguents.  
 
PAgent> "Schazzy's® Old-Fashioned Mustard Plaster Unguent!!"

While reading an e-mail from our Carnival Personal Travel Planner Jorge (who pronouces his name George on the phone), I started reading aloud the email in the voice of a Mexican game show host. if that wasen't enuff, I had to start adding my own words to it like "Sombero of Savings" "Rates for Peso Pinchers" "More value than you can shake a burrito at" and so on....  
 
Yeah, I'm a very bad person.  
 

Or should I say Secret Unicorn :)  
 
You got me just what I wanted off my wishlist!  
 
/me hugs his DVD of When Nature Calls  
 
 
You rock so much!

A co-worker and I were talking about cartoons the other day and I brought up the old "Good Idea Bad Idea" segments from Animaniacs. For those of you unfamiliar with this:  
 
From Wiki:  
Each "Good Idea/Bad Idea" was generally a 30-second segment between cartoons. In the segment a narrator (Tom Bodett) describes a "good idea" which was usually some mundane but enjoyable activity which Mr. Skullhead would then perform. The narrator would describe a "bad idea" which was the same task except with one crucial detail changed. Mr. Skullhead would then perform the variation on the first activity which usually resulted in him now injuring himself.  
 
And now...  
 
The complete list of Good Idea / Bad Idea  
from Steven Spielberg Presents Animaniacs  
 
# 1 (Show 17)  
GI: Playing the piccolo in a marching band.  
BI: Playing the piano in a marching band.  
 
# 2 (Show 17)  
GI: Feeding stray kittens in the park.  
BI: Feeding stray kittens in the park to a bear.  
 
# 3 (Show 24)  
GI: Stopping to smell the roses.  
BI: Stopping to feel the roses.  
 
# 4 (Show 28)  
GI: Taking a deep breath before jumping into a swimming pool.  
BI: Taking a deep breath after jumping into a swimming pool.  
 
# 5 (Show 28)  
GI: Going alpine skiing in the winter.  
BI: Going alpine skiing in the summer.  
 
# 6 (Show 28)  
GI: Kissing a loved one.  
BI: Kissing a total stranger.  
 
# 7 (Show 28)  
GI: Doing your own yard work.  
BI: Doing your own dental work.  
 
# 8 (Show 30)  
GI: Dressing up for Halloween as a pirate.  
BI: Dressing up for Halloween as a pin~ata.  
 
# 9 (Show 39)  
GI: Cleaning up litter.  
BI: Cleaning up kitty litter.  
 
#10 (Show 39)  
GI: Playing the accordion at a polka festival.  
BI: Playing the accordion anywhere else.  
 
#11 (Show 41)  
GI: Having breakfast served to you in bed.  
BI: Having tennis balls served to you in bed.  
 
#12 (Show 41)  
GI: Whistling while you work.  
BI: Whistling while you eat.  
 
#13 (Show 48)  
GI: Drinking fresh milk from the carton.  
BI: Drinking fresh milk from the cow.  
 
#14 (Show 50)  
GI: Singing Christmas carols to your neighbors.  
BI: Singing Christmas carols to your neighbors on the Fourth of July.  
 
#15 (Show 50)  
GI: Finding Easter eggs on Easter morning.  
BI: Finding Easter eggs on Christmas morning.  
 
#16 (Show 57)  
GI: Visiting the circus.  
BI: Having the circus visit you.  
 
#17 (Show 62)  
GI: Going trick-or-treating on Halloween.  
BI: Going trick-or-treating on St Patrick's Day.  
 
#18 (Show 67)  
GI: Giving a small child a balloon.  
BI: Giving a small child a bunch of balloons.  
 
#19 (Show 67)  
GI: Taking up a new hobby like bird calling.  
BI: Taking up a new hobby like buffalo calling.  
 
#20 (Show 67)  
GI: Ordering a chili dog to go.  
BI: Ordering a chili dog that makes you go.  
 
#21 (Show 67)  
GI: Visiting picturesque McLean, Virginia.  
BI: Visiting picturesque McLean Stevenson.  
 
#22 (Show 69)  
GI: Tossing a penny into a fountain to make a wish.  
BI: Tossing your cousin Penny into a fountain to make a wish.  
 
#23 (Show 69)  
GI: Giving your dog a bath.  
BI: Having your dog dry-cleaned.  
 
#24 (Show 69)  
GI: Playing horsey with little sister.  
BI: Playing horsey with your aunt Bertha.  
 
#25 (Show 69)  
GI: Throwing a surprise party for your father.  
BI: Throwing a surprise party for your grandfather.  
 
#26 (Show 69)  
GI: Playing cops'n'robbers in the park.  
BI: Playing cops'n'robbers in the bank.  
 
#27 (Show 69)  
GI: Playing catch with your grandfather.  
BI: Playing catch WITH your grandfather.  
 
#28 (Show 69)  
GI: Playing the scales on a piano.  
BI: Playing the scales on a fish.  
 
#29 (Show 73)  
GI: Buying a pair of shoes on sale.  
BI: Buying a parachute on sale.  
 
#30 (Show 73)  
GI: Climbing a mountain.  
BI: Climbing a mountain lion.

Well, tommarow is the end of week 3 of the new job, in which I forgot to journal about.  
 
I'm a Building Service Rep. in other words I'm a glorified receptionst. I sit behind a desk, watch who's coming in and out, sign in visitors, issue temp. ID badges, answer the phone, etc. it's alot less stress than the old job, 40 hours aweek, and more money. It gets a little boring at times, but hey, it's better than working in a hot kitchen getting burned with 350 degree oil.  
 

Today at work Paul Simon's "Kodachrome" was playing on the Muzak, and listening to it it sounded like he was singing "Mama don't take my Cornpone away" I giggled like a japanese school girl......it's a good thing the guy we call "Unicorn Boy" was off today, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to keep myself from laughing my ass off.  
 
Just had to share that.  
 

Congratulations Schauspieler! You have gained an experience level! You are now a level 43 survivor user with 455121 experience points.

Tonight at work we were very busy, due to alot of people getting to-go orders so they can go home and eat chicken wings and watch the USC vs Miss State game tonight. and then the in-house business started up because we host the Cleveland Browns Backers, and the Steeler's Club, and both teams were playing. so it was a F'n madhouse in the kitchen....to make things worse, we've had a few people quit or fired last week, and our nighttime kitchen manager called out so he could move his stuff out of his old place because the guy he lives with, who is one of our Asst managers. so dealing with the crew we had, and especially this one guy who can't seem to understand that we are extremly busy and he needs to do his F'n job. I had to cover for his slack just so we could get some orders out and get more wings pre-cooked. So, as I'm having to goto the walk-in cooler to get something, I slip in a puddle of water, and sprain my ankle. So, I hobble out of the kitchen, down to the General Manager, tell him what happened, and he was like "Well, better go sit down and I'll get you some ice" Then a bit later he sends me to Urgent Care to get it looked at.  
 
The worst part of this is, my GM is acting like it's my fault this happened because I was "Running into the cooler" I was rushing, yes, but if the floor in the cooler wasen't a 30 year old metal floof that is uneven, with no non-slip devices such as mats, and is ussualy wet because people are always spilling stuff in there, I probably wouldn't have slipped. I have slipped in there several times, fell on my butt a couple times, this time I sprained my ankle. Now, they are paying for the Urgent Care visit, and now I'm going to have to be out of work for a few days. It's not like I'm the only one who has slipped in that cooler, I know a couple other of my co-workers have slipped in there too. Maybe after he gets the bill for the doctors visit, he might think of investing in some non-slip mats or something.  
 

Don't believe the Florist when he tells you that the roses are free.  
 
 
That is all

I'm now a LF Jedi!  
 
 
 
Linkfilter Jedi you are!

Men Without Hats  
 
Safety Dance Lyrics  
 
 
S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y  
Safe, dance!  
 
[Spoken]  
We can dance if we want to  
We can leave your friends behind  
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance  
Well they're no friends of mine  
I say, we can go where we want to  
A place where they will never find  
And we can act like we come from out of this world  
Leave the real one far behind  
And we can dance  
 
[Sung]  
We can dance if we want to  
We can leave your friends behind  
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance  
Well they're no friends of mine  
I say, we can go where we want to  
A place where they will never find  
And we can act like we come from out of this world  
Leave the real one far behind  
And we can dance  
Dance!  
 
We can go when we want to  
The night is young and so am I  
And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet  
And surprise 'em with the victory cry  
Say, we can act if want to  
If we don't nobody will  
And you can act real rude and totally removed  
And I can act like an imbecile  
 
[Refrain]  
I say, we can dance, we can dance  
Everything out of control  
We can dance, we can dance  
We're doing it from wall to wall  
We can dance, we can dance  
Everybody look at your hands  
We can dance, we can dance  
Everybody takin' the cha-a-a-ance  
 
Safety dance  
Is it safe to dance  
Is it safe to dance  
 
S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y  
Safe, dance!  
 
We can dance if we want to  
We've got all your life and mine  
As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it  
Everything'll work out right  
I say, we can dance if we want to  
We can leave your friends behind  
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance  
Well they're no friends of mine  
 
[Refrain]  
 
Is it safe to dance, oh is it safe to dance [6x]  
Is it safe to dance  
 

Wow, I'm now Astonishing at level 39!

4 die Küken leben in den wachsenden-heraus Häusern für ungefähr sechs Wochen. Brathühnchen sind für übermäßigen Gewichtgewinn, besonders in ihren Brüsten und in Schenkeln gezüchtet worden. Bei sechs Wochen wiegen die Küken normalerweise ungefähr 4 Pfund (1.8 Kilogramm), und sind zum Gemetzel bereit. Das Sammeln der Hühner ist normalerweise nachts erfolgt. Obwohl eine Vielzahl der mechanischen Kollektoren, wie Vakuumvorrichtungen und Pflug-wie Huhnschieber, die einfachste und wirkungsvollste Weise zu erhalten entwickelt worden ist, crated die Hühner für Transport zur Verarbeitungsanlage soll Bauernhofangestellte das Haus betreten und die Vögel eigenhändig erfassen lassen. Die Arbeiter verfangen sich die Vögel und füllen sie in Schrank-wie Kästen an. Die Kästen werden gestapelt und ein Treiber mit einem Gabelstapler holt sie ab und lädt sie auf einen Warte-LKW. Die geschachtelten Hühner werden im LKW gestapelt und gefahren zur Verarbeitungsanlage. Die verarbeitenmitte des Huhnkomplexes ist im Allgemeinen nicht mehr als 30-40 Meile (48.3-64.4 Kilometer) vom wachsen-heraus Bauernhof, damit die Vögel nicht gefahren werden müssen ein übermäßiger Abstand.  
 
Voor die van ons van bescheidener middelen, hebben wij nu de echte Kaas van de Cheddar van Kraftpapier (r). In a kan. Zijn technische naam is het "Gepasteuriseerde Verwerkte Product van de Kaas van de Cheddar." Het is die naam u het moet geven omdat het niet "natuurlijk" door Wisconsin cheesemaster werd geproduceerd. Het is een wettelijk ding. Van de ingrediënten en van de SMAAK, zult u geloven het echte eerlijk-aan-god is, Wisconsin-Gemaakt kaas! Het is enkel duidelijke heerlijk.  
 
Also, I fully blame couchdive for the popes gastritus attack last night.  
 
Crack is very whack.  
 

99 Red Balloons  
 
You and I in a little toy shop  
Buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got  
Set them free at the break of dawn  
'till one by one they were gone  
Back at base, sparks in the software  
Flash the message "something's out there"  
Floating in the summer sky  
Ninety nine red balloons go by  
 
Ninety nine red balloons  
Floating in the summer sky  
Panic bells, it's red alert  
There's something here from somewhere else  
The war machine springs to life  
Opens up one eager eye  
And focusing it on the sky  
The ninety nine red balloons go by  
 
Ninety nine decisions treat  
Ninety nine ministers meet  
To worry, worry, super scurry  
Call the troops out in a hurry  
This is what we've waited for  
This is it boys, this is war  
The President is on the line  
As Ninety nine red balloons go by  
 
Ninety nine knights of the air  
Ride super high-tech jet fighters  
Everyone's a super hero  
Everyone's a Captain Kirk  
With orders to identify  
To clarify and classify  
Scramble in the summer sky  
Ninety nine red balloons go by  
 
As ninety nine red balloons go by  
 
Ninety nine dreams I have had  
In every one a red balloon  
It's all over and I'm standing pretty  
In this dust that was a city  
If i could find a souvenir  
Just to prove the world was here  
And here is a red balloon  
I think of you and let it go  

 
 
Level 38! w00t!

 
 
Level 35! Thanks to all who helped me get here! :)

Hey there fancypants  
Play the songs that make us dance  
Play the tunes that make the ladies swoon  
A song for all the lonely hearts, shattered dreams and broken parts  
Feels like sunny days are coming soon  
 
Hey Mr. Buttercup  
Spin the wheel and try your luck  
The spotlight's shining bright tonight on you  
Bring along your lady friend, do a dance from way back when  
Tonight's the night when all your dreams come true  
 
Hey there sour grapes  
Down in the dumps, long in the face  
Drinkin' down your dinner, all alone  
Feelin' bad, feelin' blue, tonight the rainbow ends with you  
So sit on down and make yourself at home... So  
 
Hey there fancypants  
Play the songs that make us dance  
Play the tunes that make the ladies swoon  
A song for all the lonely hearts, shattered dreams and broken parts  
Feels like sunny days are coming soon