Roland, court minstrel to 12th century English king Henry II, probably had many talents.  
 
But history has recorded only one.  
 
Referred to variously Rowland le Sarcere, Roland le Fartere, Roland le Petour, and Roland the Farter, Roland really had one job in the court: Every Christmas, during the court’s riotous pageant, he performed a dance that ended with “one jump, one whistle, and one fart”, executed simultaneously.  
 
For this, Roland was gifted a manor house in Hemingstone, Suffolk, and more than 100 acres of land. For farting on cue.
Lemmy Kilmister, founding member and frontman of Motörhead. has died. He was 70 years old.  
 
News of his death was first reported by radio and TV host Eddie Trunk, who was a longtime friend of Lemmy. Several others have since confirmed the news, including Black Sabbath frontman Ozzy Osbourne, who wrote on Twitter, “Lost one of my best friends, Lemmy, today. He will be sadly missed. He was a warrior and a legend. I will see you on the other side.”
It’s Christmas Day, and you know what that means: time to plumb the depths of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. We’re looking for the weirdest, least explicable, and most awkward objects that America has shoved inside its various holes. God bless us, everyone.