For once, somebody may call me "Sir" without adding, "...you're making a scene."
"Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot."
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.'"
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!